i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
