I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
