No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
