I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
