i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
