He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
