the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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