is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think my fart just growled at me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
