$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
