I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
