Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
