I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he was CRYING into my vagina
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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