Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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