dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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