Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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