grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
