He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
