you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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