A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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