You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sorry my hands just texted you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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