i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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