What a fucking waste of an outfit
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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