Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
