new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
