mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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