I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
