I'd wear matching sweaters with you
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
