grandma shit on top of the toilet
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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