i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
