P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
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turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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