I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
