I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Every concussion has its silver lining
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
