are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
