Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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