I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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