well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
