your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
