I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
