Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
