i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
