I want to stick my p in your. b.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
