Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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