i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
