Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
