You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
