walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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