Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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