LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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