Say something about gay babies.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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