They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
