i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
