totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day