Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
