cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs