I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.