I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.