I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
