My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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