My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
