My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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