Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
