Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
