what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
