Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
