Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
