If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
