I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
