Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
