i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
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I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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