i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
