Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
