so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
