My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
