I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
