and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
