My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
