Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
