Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need water and some morals
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