youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
