He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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